Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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