my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
