no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
