If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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