Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
