Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
