Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
