HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
