Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
