what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
