then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
