did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
