erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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