so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
operation have a gay friend backfired
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling