How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it