3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk