also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.