you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is an emotional support booty call
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
