why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
