fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
