You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
