her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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