Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You don't make any sense
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