god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
