The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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