The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can I color on your dick again?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
