Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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