Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
