This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
