We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
