So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
