Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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