Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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