Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
