dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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