At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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