People with herpes should wear stickers.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
