He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I intend to get homeless drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I need a burrito and a hug.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
