She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
