Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
