Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
