Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
smell my finger.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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