so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
