I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
