when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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