It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
