ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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