bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
