So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
