so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
