i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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