can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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