my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
