I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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