trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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