I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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