Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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