Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's blow job season.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
