Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
