considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
