1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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