Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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