Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
