It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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