I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
