u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
