I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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