I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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