last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize