I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We got so high we made milksteak
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
